The Time I Went to the Beach

The last time I was at a beach, I was with you. We ran around in the sand, I ruined my Converse. We took all those pictures, that one you took of me with my hair flying all over the place. Back when I barely knew you. Back when you barely knew me.

I thought maybe that going to the beach today would make me think about you a lot. That with each wave crashing in I'd think of the way the sun burnt my skin as I sat next to you in the sand. I can't say I didn't. But not too much. I'm doing well.

I was a bit of a wuss today. I didn't want to get too close to the water, didn't want to ruin my jeans. I stayed at a respectful distance and watched. Wave after wave. Ohisashiburi ne. It's been a long time.

The salty wind messing up my hair (which I'd straightened carefully before leaving), making my skin feel like I'd been dipped in salt, carrying the sound of the water that made me want to run into the ocean and keep running until I was waist deep.

And here I stand, at the shore. Too scared to dip my toe in.

A huge wave comes in and I run up the sand. It chases me for a while then stops, laughs, and falls back into the sea. I turn around, laughing, a little breathless. My laughter is drowned in the sounds of the sea.

O-Hisashiburi

Starting with a cliche
Of the rain outside,
I wish it would stop
It makes me feel empty;
As though you're not-
But you are.


I roll over, smothering
My thoughts in the sheets,
Lying face down
Hoping the voices shut up.
They tell me you're not-
Even though you are.


They're watching me.
She's not the same.
She's lost her smile.
She's losing her mind.
They tell me you're gone,
But you're not.


A lazy day, an empty room
Save the two of us,
With eyes closed, I know
You're here, you'll be here.
I open them and you're gone
But you're here.


You don't have to
Brush my hair off my face
Look into my eyes
Or smile that precious smile
Just think of me
And I'll know you're here.


I don't need you near me
Or even need to hear your voice
Or feel you touch me
To know you're around
You should know, this 'us' thing
Is all I want.

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