After

After all this time I wouldn’t have imagined that it would be the thought of you that brings a smile to my lips the way it does now, without any regard to where I am or what I am doing. That you could cause my heart to skip a beat or two with just a glance my way, that anyone or anything could make me want to be a better person. When we met I would have laughed at the idea that I’d be doodling your name on scraps of paper like a high schooler with a crush but I do that now, involuntarily. I don’t quite understand why catching a glimpse of you in the crowd makes my day, but it does.

I would be content with watching you from a distance, because it is you in your element. The way it seems as though the world was designed with you in it because of how you seem to fit in so perfectly. I, the outsider, could watch you and it would make me happy for some unfathomable reason, maybe it is the thought that you or at least a part of you is all mine, even if not right then.

I think of running my hands through your hair as you fall asleep, watching your chest rise and fall rhythmically. I think of trying to match my breathing with yours as I’m lying on your chest. I think of how I trace the lines on your body with my eyes, with the tips of my fingers, intrigued by the discovery of the ticklish spots that make you laugh. I think of your laugh, and how it fills my world, how it can make me happy even when I’m feeling my worst. I think of how I love you, simply and without thought of what now or what comes after because this fluttery sort of happiness is all I need.