Beyond The Veil

On child brides.

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You are a 12 year old girl. Your eyes are closed but the sounds are so loud that you wish you could shut your ears and hide in the corner, but you can't. Oh no. It's your special day. You're scared, you're shaking but nobody notices. An aunt asks you to turn, you turn mechanically while you're draped in a heavy red and gold cloth. An older cousin sister combs out your hair, another drapes ornaments all over your face and body. Your mother sits in the corner, being comforted by your elder sister. You remember hiding behind your aunt and watching the same scene unfold just a year ago when she was married. She was 14 then. She was crying, sobbing, black tear tracks running down her face. You're not crying. You're confused. You don’t know.

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One third of all the girls in the world are married before the age of 18. One in nine are married before the age of 15. India comes in at number 13 on a list of the countries most affected by child marriage, with 47% of its girls being married off before they're old enough to even fathom what being married entails.

Child marriage is banned in India, with the accused if convicted facing up to two years of imprisonment and a fine of Rs. 1,00,000. However in most of the communities where child marriage is the norm, the government and its laws are the enemy and are seen as attempts to inhibit 'the way things have always been.' In such communities, it's not easy to find someone who thinks differently or is willing to act to cause a change. And of course, this change needs to come from within.

Studies show that women who are married before they are 18 are twice more likely to experience domestic violence and sexual abuse than those married after 18. In a country where courts have ruled that marital rape is not 'really' rape, it's alarming and disheartening to know that in a lot of rural areas, there are parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles who set up their children to have to face violence and abuse against which they have no defences.

In many parts of India, female children are married at ages as young as 5 - sometimes to grooms who are a few years older, other times to grooms older by half a century or more. These children in some cases continue to live with their families until they hit puberty after which they're sent to their grooms. Although they live with their families until they are 12 or 14 have severe restrictions on their freedom, with most of them being denied education. Many child brides have stories of confusion, the transition from being a child a few months ago to having children now is not easy to adapt to. Some stories have brides so young they barely know how to take care of themselves when they're suddenly responsible for a family. Others recount being told to never deny their husband sex.

While most cases of child marriage are unreported, the few cases in which girls escape oppressive situations are given much deserved publicity. On examining the reasons behind the change in these cases, it is most often found to be education or employment. Cases where children start working to make themselves 'useful' to the family are heart breaking. In some cases, the presence of free secondary school education in the village provided an incentive to parents to permit their children to remain unmarried.

Modern day feminism focuses on the 'higher classes' of women. Women who have the opportunities to attain an education, women who have jobs. Somewhere out there, there's a terrified 10 year old who is raped on her wedding night. Thousands of voices echo to fight for the rights of women. No one hears the cries of this little girl. And no one will.

Not unless the self-proclaimed feminists of the world are willing to step out from behind their computer screens, take a break from ranting for a second to actually do something that could make a difference. NGOs operating in rural areas with high instances of child marriage have proven essential in convincing young girls to stand up to the community and demand education. It would take time for communities who've been living in figurative darkness for centuries to realize that a girl child is just as valuable as a boy, that women are capable of so much more than bearing children and rearing families. It's about time to fight for something far worse than the injustices we live through each day.

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So who decides the freedom of the Indian woman? Her family and community who, in the 21st century, still find it acceptable to give up a 10 year old to marriage. Her husband, who is but a stranger until the wedding night to all Indian women who are married in the 'culturally acceptable manner'. And of course, that stranger or that neighbour we all have to impress by being 'normal.'

Of course it's not the woman herself. Preposterous. Who ever thought of such an abomination? The idea that a woman can be in control of her life, her body, her future - ridiculous. Welcome to reality, dear woman. You are but secondary.